I think there are a lot of people out there who get some sort of perverse pleasure from ripping other people apart, because it makes them feel superior. Very high school, in my opinion.

It pays to be a duck….just let it all roll off your back and into the water behind you as you paddle on.

Easier said than done, I know, but I put up with some of the most evil stuff right to my face from my peers when I was growing up, and I learned how to to quack real quick-like.

Yes. The answer is yes.

I’ve been on the receiving end plenty of times. It’s the price for being thought-provoking and daring to rouse the rabble. Wouldn’t the world be so boring if we all agreed? I never understood the hatefulness of people online either. These are some of the comments that I’ve had on my previous blog.

“I can’t believe you have a child. You are a terrible mother.”
“You are a worthless human being.”
“I hope you die.”

Meh. Consider the source. Great article - very amusing!

Seriously, though, good article - though I’m not a writer by trade, I’ve learned long since to never use or look through message boards. 90% of them are too full of childish arguments, flame wars, and idiots to bother with. I certainly would not take anything said on a message board as any valid criticism of your skill or personality.

I reccomend http://www.cuteoverload.com when you need some cheering up.

Believe it or not, this isn’t new, nor is it limited to the internet.

I’ve been a professional radio broadcaster for over 23 years (doing a morning show for most of that), and anonymous complain calls are the norm I’m afraid.

“Why would anyone give you a job? You’re an idiot!”
“I can’t believe you made fun of dogs…are you insane?”
“I wish you would die.”

I’ve received all of those on a request line. But here’s the interesting thing…my general manager actually calls a meeting with me if he doesn’t receive complaints about me for a couple of weeks.

Keep in mind, I don’t do a “shock jock” style morning show. It’s very laid-back, music-intensive, with a few crappy jokes thrown in. I make it a point to be a family-oriented show. And still the calls roll in. However, here’s my GM’s opinion (and one that’s shared by most programmers in radio):

If you don’t say something that makes the listeners care enough to call and complain about, you’re not connecting with them.

You want people to care about what you have to say, and you want to connect with your audience on an emotional level. If you accomplish those two things, then you will tick someone off. Two people madly in love and married for 40 years still have fights. Why? Because they care. Because their emotional buttons have been pushed. And because someone they let into their “emotional circle” has done something that offended them.

Of course, on the internet, there is a decently-sized group that enjoys flaming people. I get it all the time with my writing. In fact, let’s be honest…at one point or another, a freelancer will have a client that seems crass, rude and attacking.

It’s all part of dealing with people.

Just remember this…if you went your entire career without this kind of reaction at some point…just how emotionally connected would your readers have been to what you had to say?

Take it as a compliment to your writing ability…only a good writer can incite true ire.

I think the important thing to remember is that when you share a position online, no matter how innocuous it may seem to you, others see that as an invitation to share back. And if something you’ve said hits a nerve with them, they can and will go on the attack. I honestly believe that in most cases people don’t mean to be hurtful, they’re just lashing out as what they see to be someone in a position of authority (*heh* great pun), and they assume their words won’t hurt because obviously someone who has the confidence and authority to speak out must be somehow above being hurt.

It’s easy to get caught up in the flames and start judging people (they must not have lives, they’re idiots, they’re heartless and mean, they have no sense of humor). It’s easy to take it all personally, too. For the author who has poured a lot of time, energy and thought into something and been spat at in return it can be really hard to keep things in perspective, but in the end, 99% of the time no-one will remember it a week from now.

I try to remember that as much as I’m a human who is hurt by these things, as much as I am a human who has been misunderstood, they are humans who feel attacked or misunderstood, and who are trying to make their voices heard. I remind myself that it is, after all, the internet, and that I like the openness and freedom that makes it possible for these people’s mean comments to reach me. I like that people can speak their minds, even if it isn’t always pretty. And when I think about it that way - when I think of the cultural and verbal freedom people have online, it makes me feel a LOT better. That and remembering that if any one of these people were face to face with me we’d probably both be laughing and apologizing.

Martha Beck once said, “If you did everything you long to do twice as often, twice as boldly, twice as openly, you wouldn’t attract a shred more social pressure than you already think you’re getting.” I’ve always loved that quote, because it speaks to how our perspective on ourselves and what others think of us is often exaggerated, and even in the face of flaming by a group of people, we need to remember that. If we get back on the horse after an experience like this, and we speak out just as strongly and loudly, we’ll quickly realize that flaming comes with the territory, and they have no power over us, nor any special insight into our character and ability.

Your article was read and it affected people. Despite the negativity that sprang up from it, that’s really something to write home about in this age of cynicism and information overload. It means people were paying attention and I consider that to be a great accomplishment. Keep writing and listen to that great husband of yours.

Arwen