AH.. you’ve hit upon perhaps the only reason that truly stops me from going 100% freelance. I am a recent divorcee and assuming my house ever sells, I should have the means to start a home business. I considered long an hard buying a big fancy sewing machine and making a living finishing other peoples quilts for them. There’s quite a business in it if you can make the time. I’ve heard countless reports from women both personally and on the net that they had so much business they were months behind and just finally had to throw up their hands and quit. It’s appealing to me to be able to do something I love and make a living at it. I was making a decent living as the graphic designer, but it wasn’t satisfying. And the idea of freelancing design work full time wasn’t too appealing either.

Well I toyed with this idea for quite a long time, and I finally settled upon the fact that while I may not be in love with my job, the one thing id did for me was get me out of the house. I decided that ultimately while sewing and the like was my true passion, I wasn’t prepared to give up one of my main avenues of social interaction. My dogs are great company, but they just don’t have the conversational skills I require.

I finally decided that perhaps a new job in a new city would slake my thirst for change and I would endeavor to stretch myself creatively in my sewing, but keep it as a refuge from the work-a-day world. Moving day is in 3 weeks. Looking forward to the change.

Mary Beth - I hope you can find some balance that will cure what ails you…. and you know, you might just try calling one of those people you’ve met online with your cookie-date-no-shower dilemma, perhaps you might find that they are missing the same human connection in their lives. I know I would never hang up on someone who needed me.

Oh Mary Beth, I *so* know how you feel. I quit my job 13 months ago, and also moved away from my home town. The feelings of loneliness and missing face-to-face interactions really took me by surprise. On the upside, it made me join a gym, so I have at least some kind of a social scene there, and now I have muscles too But I do miss my close friends while I slowly begin to develop new ones. So hang in there, you’re not alone!

My first year or so of freelancing was similar - I found it a little lonely. To solve the problem, a freelancing friend of mine and I decided to split a tiny office space together and I love it. It’s like having all the benefits of coworkers at a traditional job minus the annoying aspect of having to actually “work” together. He does freelance grant writing and I design and develop websites. We get to bounce things off of one another, learn each other’s perspective on our work (Great for me, since really web-tech savvy people tend to view the Internet through a different lense. Getting the typical user perspective on things can be really helpful), and I get to play with his dog.

Never under-estimate the human element!

I’m not a free-lance but I reacently change jobs and I realize that what matters to me the most it’s no the money or the career opportunities but the enviroment. I can’t wait to make new friends.

I totally relate to this post. And I really like somebody said something about this to in a blog about working alone.

Have a hug from a designer from Argentina, living in Spain.

Oh, I so sympathise. I know precisely where you are coming from. I love my family, I’m not all that outgoing, and I have generally found like minds mostly on the internet, through my readers, through forums and blogs.

But unfortunately you can’t avoid the fact that we are indeed social animals. We respond to contact with other humans physically and emotionally. We need it and don’t thrive without it. I often work in a coffee shop (considering the library as a more frugal alternative) just to be near people. You do need to find some flesh-and-blood comrades. I started going to a book group that meets monthly (though I’m finding the book selections a chore)… maybe not the best choice… and occasionally meet for lunch with a writer friend, which is very precious time. It’s not quite enough… but it’s something.

I am not that kind of freelancer. I have a lot of contact with a lot of my friend I a lead a very sociable life. Freelancing is a need in my life at to find some time only for work as people are always around to ask me for my company. I am quite luck in this direction.

I am not full-time freelance yet, but I luckily won’t have this issue when that day comes. I have a standing date every Thursday (unless something comes up, which it does once in a while) with a good friend of mine who is also a writer. She and I invite a couple of others to join us sometimes. We have coffee, go to dinner, wander the bookstores or local library, then go home. It’s three or four hours of relaxing, creative fun.

I met this person by sheer luck and my determination to take part in National Novel Writing Month back in 2003. We met at the first write-in and over the course of the month, we were the only ones to show up each week. During that time, we clicked. And have stayed friends since.

It is hard to move to a wholly new place as an adult. I imagine it’s even harder to connect with people when you work primarily out of your home. My husband and I moved to Memphis in 2000, where we knew no one. Like you, I was very lonely. Yes, I had my husband and my children, but there was that essential element of friendship with another woman missing. It took me three years before I found a person to connect with in any meaningful way.

Stay the course. When you are ready, the right friend will be there waiting.

You poor thing! I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Sometimes I’ll totally immerse myself in projects for days before I suddenly start feeling miserable and can’t figure out why. Then I realize that other than the UPS man, I haven’t seen a soul. It’s horrible to continue working in that state, especially if I can’t get away for a break.

So now I try to carve out social time, even when I’m under tight deadlines. Even coffee with a friend for a half hour makes a difference. At the very least, I plan a dinner party or social event to look forward to.

I hope you find a good solution that works for you. Happy freelancing!

Before I started freelancing full-time, I had spent a good amount of time working from home for a company that primarily worked virtually. When I eventually left that job and went back to a “real” workplace, I realized just how much I had missed the socialization. E-mail and phone calls worked OK at my other job, but there’s something to be said for face-to-face interaction. I suppose I was getting close to breaking down as you had.

When I started making the move to freelancing, I seriously considered renting an office to work at - not because I need an outside office to do my job, but because I wanted to keep that social interaction going. Finances haven’t allowed me to do this yet, but it is still on of my list of goals.

In the meantime, I make sure to go out for lunch periodically, or meet up with friends on a regular basis. I force myself to stay in touch with the outside world, especially during slow periods. (Plus, it makes for good networking.)

Oh. My.GAWD! Ok, this is SO off topic BUT: I avoid church as much as possible, BUT when I do go to my inlaws catholic church, I totally try to be in thebathroom during that part, lol.

As for the rest of your article (probably one of the most relatable articles I’ve read in WEEKS) I completely feel you. I am not a people-y person. So I thought I’d love love love this life. But honestly, once my family gets home, I’m relieved.

Great article!

I’m finding before my mates would ring me every friday night demanding I will be at the pub, enjoying a few schooners with them. These days, I’m lucky to get invited once a month out… It gets lonely but its so hard to get some free time when everyone else is free…

New to the site, and reading your post via my iGoogle reader. Just had to swing by and drop a comment - add my voice to the tribe and let you know that you are not alone.

Like Heather, I’m recently divorced and doing the freelance thing while raising my four-year old daughter. Though I see lots of other women (moms, mostly) day in and day out, it’s very hard to make the time for some real girl bonding. Between doing the mommy thing and the work thing and the trying to have a life thing…oh, and SLEEP…there isn’t much time left over for what seems like frivolous socializing.

But…(there’s always a but…), we all have a deep need for that kind of connection - the kind born out of just hanging out and doing nothing, the kind where you start talking about pop culture and wind up talking about your inner dreams and fears. Spontaneous connection.

Oh - and I also agree with Naomi Miles - her suggestion to get a laptop and get out…good one. I usually work two or three mornings at a local coffee shop and just being around people and sharing the occasional bit of small talk make all the difference in the world.

Hang in there. Find that balance.
And I hope you get to go shopping soon.

zzzzzzzzzzz

I find twitter to be my little office environment with other freelancers these days. It’s the only thing I can use to keep me part of a larger group. Friends in the evening do help too.

Being a guy, I don’t think I truly appreciate the importance of shoe shopping, but I get the picture The funny thing is, when I had a full time job, I *thought* I couldn’t stand *those people* I worked with (except for my friends) and I fantasized about how wonderful it would be on my own. Turns out, that’s one one the biggest downsides of going it alone.

My 3 yr old daughter stays home with me, so that’s wonderful, but you know it’s getting bad when you find yourself chatting up the phone solicitors just to talk with an adult!!

I love the idea of getting with a fellow freelancer and sharing an office.

Great read!

I just found you and based soley on this article, I’m coming back.

I’ve definitely experienced this as well. I went from working at a big studio with a team that would visit each others offices several times a day. Now my work break interactions are the internet and the cat.

I, too, have realized how lonely it can get working from home. And I, too, am usually an introverted hermit.

I’ve decided to *force* myself to go out and work from a coffeehouse for a couple of hours for at least 2 days a week. I’m also trying to schedule lunches or coffee dates during the work day with friends who also work from home.

Good luck!

I can 100% relate to this, your comment about personal space at church had me laughing. It’s not too bad for me as my husband also works as a freelancer and is at home…still more female company would be nice.

You could not pay me any amount to go back to an office though, it’s so regimented it drove me nuts! I’m sitting at my desk in LA, slippers on with the first season of Brothers & Sisters on the TV creating an email campaign…I go out to grab a coffee or ice creme most days just for a stroll in the sun, or take a break with a book on the balcony…you can’t put a price on the personal freedom being a freelancer gives you.