One of my online friends recently approached me with a question she says she knew I would have the answer to.

She asked me if anyone’s ever gotten competitive with me.

Oh sister, you have no idea! I told her that I have faced this throughout my life. In fact, the competition can be fiercer than cameras rolling on a reality TV show!

I suppose as a Type A personality, I’m a bit of an achiever. I usually attain a goal when I put my mind to it. It’s just how I am. And throughout my life, even though I have had support from people who can appreciate my success, there have been others who…well, they just can’t. The majority of these people have tried to push me to share my trade secrets. Some people criticize and insist their work is better. Others are eying the client list I’ve worked so hard to create, wondering if they can work for the same companies.

Here’s the thing about competing—it happens rather silently. People won’t always say, “I can do better” to your face. They may try to inquire about your clients or try to one-up you. But let me be honest here: work competitiveness is a very real thing. Even when you’re a freelancer sitting at home working alone—and even when you don’t want to get caught up in the drama.

Competitive: The Good vs. The Bad

For the record, I know a healthy dose of competitiveness is a good asset to have. For example, if a client asks you to put in a bid against others in your field to secure a job, of course you want to be the best. But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the mysterious brand of people who cannot cope with your success. Or the ones who will try to rip gigs out from underneath you. Some people want to know how you’ve become so successful and want you to share your strategies. Some are blatant enough to rub things in your face.

Whatever it is, if you sense that they’re trying to compete, they probably are and you should trust your instincts and proceed with caution.

That’s why I put together some tips to help you cope with people who choose to make work a rivalry. Even though you’ve probably left your 9-to-5 job to avoid water cooler rumors, politics can still affect you—even if you work solo.

Guard yourself online. The first thing to do is to protect your online identity. And I don’t mean not sharing your email address or putting a firewall up. If you chatter online about clients, keep the name of the client mum. I have had acquaintances through my blog try to approach clients suggesting I recommended them or endorsed their abilities. I hate to say it, but you really have to choose who you trust. Especially online where you can’t always tell a person’s true character.

Let me say that some people are willing and actually enjoy sharing their success story with others. They’re more of the mentor type. That’s great if you are, but still be cautious. And if you’re not one to share your secrets to success (like me), that’s okay too. Plenty of people approach me each week after finding one of my websites, and they want to know how to do what I do. I thank them for their letter and usually recommend a good book to help them—or send them the FreelanceSwitch.com link!

Set networking boundaries. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others or others comparing themselves to you when it comes to networking groups. You want to talk to others in your industry, but everyone has to beware of the green-eyed monster. Hopefully you can keep in mind that there are plenty of jobs to go around, and you offer a unique value proposition to clients that others don’t have.

But if you do notice people “sniffing” for names of your customers (or even for some of your trade secrets) and you don’t’ want to share them, point them in another direction and send them on their way. It’s that simple. If people see you’re not an open source, they’ll eventually get the idea that you’re not talking.

Play nice. Some people compete by trying to promote themselves. You have to be careful not to take someone else’s successes as a slap in your face. I also know writers who have had people (not clients) outright criticize their work. Most of the time, responding to this isn’t worth your time. If you choose to, it’s vital to keep things cool because it’s still business. Tell them you appreciate their input. If you weren’t seeking input, mention that you weren’t looking for a critical eye.

Sometimes when I show a friend something I’ve written, I try to expect criticism. Other times, I just want to tell someone what’s going on in my life. They may try to come back at me talking about what they do and how they do it better. That’s when I know I can’t discuss success with that person. Even though I’m capable of cheering others on in their successes, I don’t enjoy a relationship when they can’t do the same for me. You have to take competitiveness with a grain of salt, but do remember that you have the option to respond to people who are cruel.

Respond professionally. What happens if a “buddy” has scooped up your lead and taken a not-so-nice action? If it was already your client, I think you have a right to get upset! But do realize that if the client chose this person’s work over yours, that was their choice. I wouldn’t recommend yelling at your client! How you choose to deal with the pal is another thing, but I’d try to keep cool there, too.

Depending on your relationship with the friend who snagged your client (or tried to approach them) I believe talking to him or her openly is your best bet. And make sure you go on facts. You may choose to simply not divulge information to the buddy anymore. The buddy may go mum or virtually vanish—proof that they knew they did something shady. There are a variety of reactions to have—but make sure you stay professional.

As freelancers, we’re in constant competition with others who can do the work better, and do the work more affordably—we just don’t want to compete with those we know, because that can get nasty. Don’t’ let it, as angry as it can make you! Try to focus on more positive things! If a door has closed with one client, you know another will open up!

Recognize good work amigos. I have a total of one friend (online) that I will share details about my clients with. I know she won’t go after my customers—she realizes that there’s plenty of work out there for all of us. It’s good to let a buddy know you hold them in a high regard when it comes to this. Chances are, they know what a rat’s nest it can be out there and they’re just as happy to find a down-to-earth pal who won’t try to snag their clients.

The Skinny on Survivor Mode at Work

As I said before, it’s important to trust your instincts. Some people really aren’t out to get you, while others can’t think for themselves and want to follow exactly in your business model. The best way to cope with this is to realize that the critical ones really have nothing better to do, and the ones looking for leads can’t succeed in developing their business themselves.

Friends, it can be a very cruel world out there. I wish I didn’t have to write such a post, but the truth is that there are people who want to benefit from your success instead of appreciating it. My advice is to try and weed these people out so you can focus on advancing yourself with only supporters at your side.