Why You Need Good Fences for your Freelance Neighbors
There’s a poem by Robert Frost that goes, “Good fences make good neighbors.” What he means is that if you see your 70-year-old neighbor climbing naked into his hot tub, you’ll probably find it more difficult to make small talk with him when you cross paths at the mailbox.
The same is true for freelancers. We sometimes don’t have very good fences between us and the people we work with – our clients, our colleagues, even our families. We often don’t have any fences, in fact.
Those unclear boundaries cause stress that you could do without. Here are some ways to create fences between you and your “neighbors” so you can get the work done.
Fences between You and Your Clients
You need to be professional around your clients. You can’t just decide to slap up any old fence, though. If your client isn’t accustomed to having a barrier between him and you, running into a nasty chain-link fence with barbed wire along the top is not going to go over well.
So let him know the fence is going up. Politely mention that in order to do a better job, you’ve decided to create some policies so that you can focus your attention on his projects. That means you’re only going to be checking your email twice a day, and he might have to wait a few hours for a response instead of the insta-reply he’s used to.
Make the fence attractive, though. If you’re going to use an auto-responder to let people know how often you check email (a smart move), then write a nice friendly one that gives people a smile instead of a terse, “I am not available right now. I will reply to all emails at 3:00 pm.”
Fences between You and Your Colleagues
If you work with other freelancers, as most of us do, you’ve probably experienced this problem: your colleague wants to hang with you often. He just starts chatting away on IM or calls you up for no reason except to shoot the breeze. Consider it the equivalent of your neighbor wandering into your house whenever he feels like it. Sure, you can tell him you’re busy, but that makes you feel awkward and rude.
The solution? A fence, of course. For IM, a good fence is setting your IM to the red “do not disturb” option. Warn your colleagues about the fence going up, just as you did your clients, but do something important as well: let your colleague know how to open the gate.
That means that if you want your colleague to ping you if he has a business matter to draw to your attention, tell him it’s okay. It’s like saying, “I put up this fence because I need to get some work done, but if it’s really important, go ahead and unlatch the gate.” This also says you have faith your colleague will only use the gate if he needs to – and most people like to prove themselves worthy of that kind of faith.
Fences between You and Your Family
These are the hardest fences to put up, because your family lives with you. You don’t want to shut them out, and you don’t want them to feel unwelcome in your back yard. You also don’t want to hurt their feelings. It’s one thing to put up a fence between you and a neighbor – it’s another to put up a fence between you and your child.
Or is it? Even when we live with people, we put up fences all the time. The closed door. The “do not disturb” sign. The polite request to leave us alone. The problem is getting your family to respect those gestures AS a fence. You need to help them recognize that it’s not okay to just hop over as though the fence wasn’t there.
Usually this means having a serious talk, often with your significant other. If your partner is the person you want to keep out, then you need to explain how important that fence is to you – and to the quality time you want to spend with that person. If it’s your kids you need to keep out, then your partner will have to be the one who stresses, over and over, that you really need them to not hop the fence whenever they please.
Freelancing isn’t easy, and it’s often essential to have peace and quiet to do a good job. When you need to communicate the message that your space to work is off-limits, a fence is a good way to do that.
Just make sure you open the gate from time to time and get out. Good fences may make good freelancers, but isolation makes bad relationships.
Your turn: Have you had to put up some fences? Any suggestions you’d like to share? Or maybe you’re frustrated that your fences aren’t working – tell us about it and see if others can’t help spark some creative ideas to help out.
Leave a Comment
Hi,
Good advice. I work from my home so no distractions from colleagues.
Besides that, my family knows that when I am working, I do not want to be disturbed.
As sometimes the work being done requires some concentration and absolutely no disturbance. When I am done with that work, then sure, I can talk and walk freely in my home and I am available to my family.
It’s just that when tasks which require you to put some effort, that I do not want to be disturbed.
Nabeel
Good post and I definitely think its a good idea to set up some type of a “fence” between you and your client. Sometimes they can get a bit overwhelming and unreasonable so setting a standard of how things go from the start can help sort that situation out.
This is an excellent post and a great reminder. I agree that families are the hardest fences to keep. One of the most beneficial things that I find when my husband is working at home is to set up pre-determined hours. If he tells me he needs to work from 7:00 – 9:30 on a project, then I can plan my evening to keep my questions or needs until 9:30 and leave him alone unless it’s an emergency. This wards off frustration on my part at his inaccessibility.
We also often use headphones as our fences. That way we can both be working on projects in the same room instead of behind closed doors, but we’ve agreed to not interrupt each other.
Really great article! i can say that the family fence was one that i had to put up and it was definitely a tough one!
I don’t mean to invalidate your blog post but i think the saying “good fences make good neighbours” is one of the most misunderstood sayings in history.
Robert Frost was being ironic in his poem, his point was that our boundaries are what alienate us from each other. The belief that if we all stay within our own little bubbles we wont bother anyone is flawed, we should be embracing our neighbours and taking part in society.
http://poetry.suite101.com/article.cfm/robert_frosts_mending_wall
Also, its important to note I wasn’t being critical of the point of your blog post, you make very good points, i’m just being pedantic.
Upon reading that link, it sounds as though the point “that our boundaries are what alienate us from each other” is just that of one side of the argument – the speaker. However the neighbour too, does have a valid point (doesn’t everyone?) that he has his own right to keep his yard the way he wants it, and nurture it how he sees fit. Both are valid, but the real point is understanding and acceptance of both points of view is key (just like in real life).
Great article about way to build fences, I guess this would be an alternative to burn down bridges?
Thank you for this greate article. I really liked it and translated into Turkish. I hope it’s okey for you.
People think that freelance work is easy but the fact is it’s really really hard to focus on the work when your a freelancer.
I have to admit that I’m still working on that fence thing with my husband. It used to be that he was gone during the day, but since he’s been forced on unemployment, I am pulling my hair out! He’s not quite getting that if I hang out with him all day long, the paychecks stop coming. You’re right about it being a delicate balance between having a serious conversation and “Get the !@#$% from me before I kill you.” I’m working on it though.
This is a great idea drawn from one of my favorite poems. I have been trying to get back into writing and am looking for all the advice I can get, from tips like these to other writer’s stories and workshops. Another great source of advice I’ve come across is http://allehall.wordpress.com, the blog of another freelance writer who often offers helpful tips too.
Thanks so much!
Excellent advice, and I fully agree on the family fence advice. The only issue for me is the fact that even if I make it clear I don’t want to be disturbed as I’m working, sooner or later there’ll be a cat on my keyboard…
Recently I’d need a fence between me and my iPad. Can’ stop using it
Unfortunately, my newborn hasn’t quite grasped the meaning of fences as yet
So for now, if she cries jump – I jump.
Good article. Here’s some pointers from my experience.
As much as I’ve tried to put up a fence with those whom I live with (partner and housemate), that fence never registers with them. Interruptions would happen all the time – housemate playing music, telling me what their doing, asking if I have plans that night. Whatever it is, they found reasons.
In the end I gave up, and got a outdoor chair and head down to the river at 12pm and stay to 5pm. Just by myself with no internet. It’s great to work with nature.
Although now, they are feeling the shock that I am not around and that my schedule has become more like a normal job. Which I don’t think they are coping with that well. And is the stage I’m currently at.
I’ve had to inform then from 12-5pm that I am off limits, and will be doing my own thing, so no interruptions as I will not have my phone. However, if I am getting ready to head off, they still get offended if I say they have to wait to go for a walk or hang out with me til when I get back (about 6pm) – rather than there and then.
It’s hard, but suggestions would be appreciated.