I can’t wait for the day when I can refuse to take on a new job. I am usually so happy to have gotten a job that I don’t even consider refusing it. One day there will be enough potential clients that I will be able to pick and choose amongst dozens of jobs.

Until that day…

As someone who helps people figure out how to say no and also get to yes (I’m a mediator), I have to say this is a darn good list. The first item is key and probably the most powerful first step someone can take in the process of saying no, and it’s great you included it.

You could hear a “but” coming, couldn’t you? I want to offer up a countering view to your last piece of advice. Some people (and, ahem, sorry, research shows it tends to be men) often view “I’m sorry” as meaning the equivalent of “I’m wrong,” or “I’m at fault,” but that’s only one definition of apology. There are other versions of “I’m sorry,” including the one that means, “I regret.”

While offering up “I’m sorry” repeatedly and often is pretty ineffective (and something research shows women tend to do), suggesting that freelancers should never say “I’m sorry I’m not able to take that on for you right now” isn’t such a good idea. Blanket refusal to offer an “I’m sorry” can actually create messiness where there may not have been any.

There’s nothing like a gentle “I’m sorry” to balance a good, clear, direct no. It extends a palm leaf and conveys your interest and value in the client.

I’ve written a post about the Four Types of Apology and if folks are interested, you can find it at:

http://lenski.com/im-sorry-the-four-types-of-apology/

Hope this adds to the good discussion you’ve started with this post,
Tammy

I’ve found that giving someone a cost estimate usually takes care of having to say no to everything!

Say “no” with honest reason is the hardest part …

I have to say that after 10 years of work in the design industry as a freelancer, I have learned this lesson just a couple of months ago.
“No” is a magical word. It works great when a client is asking for urgent things, for instance. Things that were urgent can wait after you said no, and that makes your life easier.
It’s simple math: If you can’t do it well in that short period of time, it’s quite difficult that someone else can. Even if someone can, the client has to find that someone, which takes some time too.

Also appliable to:
-I need it “for yesterday”!
-I need it now, it has to be cheap and look great.
-I don’t care what you think, I want that bigger!
-May I sit at your side while you make it?

I don’t know. I think you might be going in the right direction with this post, but I have found that deferring too much just gives off bad vibes. It makes you look like you can’t go through with anything.

Instead of deferring empower the other person to either accomplish their goals alone with a little bit of your help, or refer them to someone who can help them immediately.

If someone has taken the time to ask you for help, or for anything really, you should give them a straight up answer so that they aren’t stuck waiting for the next couple of weeks.

I like to get things done right the first time, and in doing so I have less to worry about later on. It really doesn’t take much to push someone in the right direction or tell them honestly how you feel

- “hey listen, this is a great project but I’m swamped with other things. I know Leo has been working a project similar to this, I bet you guys could help each other out.”

Boom, you’ve helped two people out and got the project off your back.

or

- “You know I think this has a lot of potential, but it doesn’t seem like it fits with what I’m doing right now. I’d love if you kept me updated in how things are going, and I’ll shoot you an email if i can think of any thing that might be useful to you.”

They know your still interested and you care, but you really just don’t have time.

Sure, but you get fired either way for not able to complete your tasks or unable to meet the requirement of daily workload.

There are times when you cannot complete a request that’s made, in which case you must say no to avoid embarrassing yourself. Yet one could certainly pretend ineptitude to avoid troublesome tasks, provided the opposite party doesn’t know your abilities.

Also, if you decide to help someone help themselves, ie. try to spend time instructing them to accomplish their request, you often find that you’ll end up doing it yourself, as the reason they asked you to in the first place is that they can’t do it themselves. So think before you offer ANY extent of help.

This is a great article. Actually, the skill of being able to say No is very important. I used to end up getting involved in all kinds of projects for which I just didn’t have the time.

Now I just say no, but this article helps us to put a better “spin” on no.

Best,

Paul Hancox
thesmartwebletter.com

The biggest screw ups of my freelance/contract career could have been avoided by saying no. Good post.

@Vincent: Thanks for the reply.

No should be used sparingly - saying it too often will ruin your opportunities, saying it too little will make your life harder.

I´m a freelance designer for seven years, but lately, I´ve learned that haven´t the ability to say “no” can obstruct my professional apprenticeship and the quality of my work. As freelancers we´ve limited time and resources, and, I think, our best issue is to be day by day better professionals, and offer original and personalized solutions to our clients. We can´t compete with agencies in lots of works, but we can do it with a good quality work.

Great suggestions. I really needed to read this!!

Excellent post. I agree with Ryan Allen - the biggest screwups I’ve ever made as a freelancer were a direct result of not being able/willing to say “no”. Bottom line: if I feel that either myself or my client stands to lose out in a situation (and this can happen for almost any reason), I will say no. There is absolutely no shame in turning down work, but there can be plenty of shame in messing up, missing a deadline or having a bad experience of a job.

I have also used these same strategies to “fire” clients. Far from feeling bad about it, I feel good. I know that working with a client that I’d rather not work with isn’t doing them any favors at all.

Hey Russ, try raising your prices so that people take you seriously. You’re pricing is ridiculous.

Hi Leo, i just want to let you know that i have translated your interesting article to spanish in my blog.

http://www.lacoctelera.com/thenine/post/2007/08/14/diseno-8-estrategias-aprender-decir-no

Your prices are very cheap, this is not always a good move.

I like you idea on Say “No” and I appriciate you article very much.