Navigating the Pitfalls of a Client-Friend Relationship
Credit: Mike Johnson on sxc.hu
Last week I had a meeting with a new prospective client that got seriously off-track. She burst into the café where we were meeting, flopped down and launched into a story about this crazy thing that had just happened to her. She had me giggling so hard that I had to dab tears from my eyes. Turns out, I had a similar story, so, of course, I had to share mine.
For a long while after that discussion there was no talk of business, just knee-slapping stories and riotous laughter. It was only an hour later, when we were both merrily pretending to wolf down cheeseburgers, that I remembered I was in search of a new client, not a new BFF. But with all those laughter-induced endorphins running through me, I couldn’t help but wonder: would it be so wrong if she turned out to be both?
Well, we all know why it could be so wrong. Under the best circumstances, having a client as a friend (or a friend as a client) can gloss both relationships with a patina of awkwardness. At worst, you could wind up neither clients nor friends, but sworn enemies. Nonetheless, sometimes a relationship with a client can slide into friendship, and there may be times where you tap an existing friend for business or vice versa.
Can such a relationship work? I say it’s possible – if you proceed with extreme caution and firmly put in place the following protective measures.
Choose Your Client-Friends Wisely
The best friends to have as clients are those who hold professional values similar to yours, and those with whom you can be open and frank without emotional fallout.
If you’re considering entering into a working relationship with a friend, go in with clear eyes. Now is not the time to be blind to your friend’s faults. You know Tom, who always “forgets” his wallet when you’re out? Don’t take the risk. You know Susie, who habitually bad-mouths her employees? Forget it. You know “indecisive Dan,” “know-it-all Nancy,” and “super-sensitive Sam”? Very probably, these wonderful friends – whose flaws you overlook, as they do yours – would not make good clients. The best friends to have as clients are those who hold professional values similar to yours, and those with whom you can be open and frank without emotional fallout.
On the other hand, if you see your relationship with a client turning into a friendship, before the new relationship goes too far, ask yourself a few questions: Does this client provide the bulk of your business? Is this client a steady – or even periodic – source of referrals for you? Is this person a heavy swinger in your target market whose opinion could hold sway over prospective clients?
If the answer is yes to any of the above, it’s probably best to keep the relationship friendly, but not to let it evolve into a friendship. That is: go out, have drinks, and have fun. But don’t let your guard down, don’t share too much information, and never forget that this person is the one who pays your bills.
Set Ground Rules
Before entering a client relationship with a friend, it’s essential to discuss the terms of your working relationship. As you would with any client, talk openly about your rates, discounts, the project’s time frame, cancellation policies and expectations. But you should also talk about any concerns you may have about your new relationship. For long-term or on-going projects, develop an exit strategy or “safe word” so that you may end the business relationship amicably.
During these discussions, listen to your instinct and assess whether you have any doubts, misgivings or see any red flags ahead. If so, be strong and withdraw gracefully. If you’ve chosen your client-friend wisely, you should be able to do this without it impacting your friendship.
You also may need to establish new ground rules if you’ve become friends with your client – especially if you realize that you’re doling out significant amounts of advice (or work) that your client formerly would have been charged for. Don’t allow resentment or handouts to get out of control: that’s fodder for a blow-up.
Get it in Writing
You should already have a written contract with a client-turned-friend. But if you’re working with a friend-turned-client, you may have deemed a formal contract unnecessary. Even so, you should informally memorialize your agreement in writing, both for clarification and for future reference. After you’ve set the ground rules and discussed the terms of the project, send your friend an email outlining your discussion. Make sure you get a response and smooth out any points of disagreement.
Check Yourself
If you’ve decided to have a friend as a client (or vice versa), you need to grow an extra layer of thick skin.
So, you think you’ve chosen your client-friend wisely – but has she chosen you wisely? When performing work for a friend, make sure that your professional standards don’t waver, even if you’re doing the work for free, or at a discount. Providing a friend with shoddy work, or delivering the product late, can impact her business, not to mention her opinion of you. In addition, prepare yourself for the fact that, like any client, she may not be fully satisfied with your work, even if you’ve put your best effort into it. If you’ve decided to have a friend as a client (or vice versa), you need to grow an extra layer of thick skin.
Monitor Your Relationship
Stay alert to your friend’s satisfaction with your business relationship. Remember to periodically reassess the ground rules to make sure you’re both still on board. If you sense trouble ahead, or realize that one of you no longer wants the relationship, be prepared to execute your exit strategy while you’re still on good terms.
Stay Cool
Even with all the precautions in the world, some relationships just go south. If you see the situation spinning out of control, you’ll need to decide which relationship, if any, you want to preserve. Even if you’re very hurt or upset, keep that “professional” hat jammed firmly on your head and don’t fire off an angry email or tweet. Instead, wait until your temper cools and then calmly tell your friend that you would like to discuss how to resolve the situation amicably. If the client responds to your genuine overture with nastiness – or doesn’t respond at all – well, there’s nothing more you can do. But if he responds cordially, use your mutual good will to arrive at a satisfactory solution as quickly as possible. Then go directly to the nearest bar and swear never to work together again.
Have you ever successfully worked for a friend? Would you do it again?
Photo credit: Some rights reserved by Mike Johnson.
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I am possibly about to start a college/client relationship and am a bit concerned. We share office space and has asked for a quote. While work is work, I wouldnt in an ideal world work with people I have a previous relationship with.
I hope that things turn out ok.
Nathan
Oooh, that’s tricky Nathan, particularly since you’re sharing a space. If you’re feeling uncomfortable already, listen to your gut. It might be easier to gracefully exit than you think. Good luck!
An interesting and thoughtful take on this subject. I know other freelancers and have worked in-house for employers who swear by the advantages of being close personal friends with their clients, customers and employees. I for one cannot do it. It seems to me that boundaries especially professional boundaries are important as the define the rules of engagement. I take a lot of heat from people that insist I’m just being too traditional about this but quite honestly the idea of knowing the intimate details of my client’s failed marriage is a place that I’d rather not go even if it means not getting the project.
Hi Gerry – thanks for your comments. It’s great that you have that self-knowledge – it’s so important to know what works for you and what doesn’t in this context.
It is an extremely tricky road to get on client/friend relationships. I have experienced it myself two times and the best personal advice I can give is keep the business stricktly business and make sure they understand this.
To give a simple example of the advantage of this is that this way you don’t get client/friend who calls you at all hours to talk/work on their project.
Yep Martin – good clear communication at the outset is key!
By getting it in writing..then you will save your self a lot of headaches..believe me..
“Black Seo Guy “Signing Off”
I agree. As a formal lawyer, not having stuff in writing makes me really antsy.
I meant to write, “former” lawyer! I guess all lawyers are a bit formal.
A load of my friends are freelancers & I try to be sensitive in how much I charge and how much they charge me. I’m all about the “bro” discount, but it’s still our livelihood.
Sounds like you’re a good client/friend, Tanner!
Yeah, it’s a minefield all right. You’ve made some really good points. It definitely pays to make sure you treat a friend-client like any other client, because it can come back to bit you. Like you said, get it in writing, but also don’t skip the deposit, don’t be loose about the payment schedule, and stick to you guns on what you need.
Good points, SBD. Thanks for sharing!
Wow. VERY Timely article! I had a great relationship with a client who then wanted to turn it into a friendship. We got along well, she was the bulk of my work, and then……I started doing a little extra because I thought she was great and fun and I wanted to “be a good/well liked friend.” The slide downhill started. She started asking for input and advices on things, “in a friendly way” with no contract or project on the table. I felt vaguely uncomfortable because while I did consult with good, long-term friends like this, I felt taken a little advantage of since there was no reciprocity at all! I stepped back and pointed out that these were separate projects and that if she wanted advice we’d need to work out an hourly retainer for that “Can you just tweak this letter for me real quick?” favor. She decided she didn’t need my services enough to justify a retainer, then a week later was back to the same old BS.
The work dragged on so long that the paid projects became, “I thought you were just doing those extra pages for free?” misunderstandings. She wanted files of projects I’d done as a favor for free, but didn’t want to pay for them. I felt like I’d fallen in quicksand. The more I said “no,” and set boundaries, the cheerier and more persistent she got in an attempt to manipulate and wheedle work and files out of me. She’s a crazy maker – making me think I’m the one who owes her when 75% of the work has never been paid for or she claims it was done as a “favor.”
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER mix friendship and clients!!!
I didn’t used to think it wasn’t possible, but now I know – it’s horrible. You CAN be friendly, but you can’t be friends. There’s a reason people tell you not to dip your ink in the company well. Make a decision – either be friends or be business contacts. If they drop you when they find they can’t be both – then you know – they were using the whole friendship shtick to manipulate you. I have several people in my life who are trying to do that now and I’m just being brutally honest – no fee, no work. No discounts for “friends” and we’re all very clear going into every job what the boundaries and expectations are.
Tips the friendship thing is a ruse:
They don’t share personal details, real personal details, about themselves. They love to hear your stories and commiserate with your failings, but they never seem to have a bitchy spouse, spilled milk, bad day or financial stress themselves.
They don’t reciprocate. You’re happy to look at something and give your opinion and advice, but they’re always too busy to do the same.
They feel free to call you anytime of the night or day to request things or ask questions, but sound annoyed or ignore you if you call. They want your cell phone number or home phone but always have an excuse for not giving you theirs.
They always use their business email, not their personal one.
They push your boundaries, ask for favors, say, “Just this once, I promise I’ll never ask again.” Then do.
They never respond to your emails regarding your policies and boundaries and don’t like to talk about money or extra hours or changes or revisions.
They act like anything extra you do is “a favor” or complain that you’re “Nickel and Diming them to death” if you dare bill them for extras they want that aren’t in the original contract.
My advice? Run away!! Run away!!! There is no business relationship so awesome that you can improve it by being friends and no friendship that will do better by adding the stress and issues of money, time and projects to it. Don’t mix the two. Be friendly – but not friends. You’ll be sooooooo glad you did!
Great additional tips, Anon! Sorry you had such a bad experience but hopefully others here can learn from it!
To: “Anonymous”
I am really sorry that you had only bad experience with your clients becoming “Friends” , to be honest I have had both kind of experience, I think everything depends on the nature of the person and not in general, I can’t say either it is good when relation goes into friendship or not, but I am sure that keeping some distance is always good!
This is a great article! Nice, concise and thorough. I’ve had a similarly difficult situation where I had a client who needed a business card design. He decided to work on it himself and (as a good friend) I gave him some advice. When he showed me the draft he had come up with, I reworked it and said: “This is the way I would do it.”, hoping that it would bring me a paying job.
Sure enough, he loved it and asked me to finish the design (basically) for free (though I got a good Haruki Murakami book out of it). I obliged with “hope” for a future project but who knows.
I was lucky enough in the fact that he still respects me as a professional and didn’t continue to ask me for free stuff. In the end, working for a friend turned client can be redeeming in that it can strengthen the bond. Obviously it can weaken it as well (per the above writers’ experiences).
I have a better relationship with him now then I did just because I DIDN’T stick my ground. If I had been stiff about it, our relationship would be much different. I would have hated to lose him as a friend. I consider it a “one-off personal favor”.
Hi Nathan – thanks for commenting! I agree that being too stiff can also be awkward. The relationship definitely works best when both people see the other as a business person, not just a friend. (And hey – a good Haruki Murakami book is not nothing!
Great post!!! I have been working with a friend for over 4 years and I have to say I may need to end the business relationship. I have not been compensated for any of the work and now more than ever, I am in need of some cash. It is just unfortunate when a friendship is abused.
Great read
I have a few friends that are clients, but a good number of my clients I have become friends with.
My best advice is to “Set Ground Rules” as above, ensure there are boundaries and you don’t let them take liberties with you or your time.
Sometimes it can be a tightrope, but make sure you put them in place and it’s easier to separate the elements of your “client-ship”
When I moved to Phoenix to take care of some family business, I was invited for drinks by someone tied into the creative community. He asked if I planned on doing any local business and I replied that I would certainly be open to that. He then, with honesty and humility, told me I would need to “become friends first” with prospective clients. I turned pale white at the thought. Working with “friends” NEVER comes to any good!
Sure enough, my first freelance project was with someone who insisted our meeting be dinners with his wife and out at a bar or restaurant. Although there was a contract, in the end, he wanted me to forgo my fee because we were friends (and he would remember me for the next project. End of working relationship — end of friendship).
I find it best, when asked for a “favor” by a friend, to either do it for free and tell them they only get a certain amount of hours or to just answer that you are too busy and suggest someone else who will give them great service at a fair price… which is usually followed by that referral asking why the friend is asking for a “friend-of-a-friend discount” or for me to call my friend and get them to pay.
Friendly is good but being “friends” is not a professional relationship. I head off the problem by not having any friends!
Very interesting article!
What I can say is that, yes to be friendly with clients is a MUST, at least we need to begin relations friendly and then the rest completely depends on client, if the one is same with you it might turn into excellent relations and one more successfully ended contract with happy customer, but what if client behavior is other way round ? …
But we need to be careful about friendship! Yes, it is possible that client might become a friend, to drink a couple of bottles of beer together, have some fun, give some help to each other, but when it comes to business anyway i think we need to keep some distance!
And Business with Friends ? No, No and No! If you want to keep friendship try to avoid making any business with friends! This is proven many times.